So, last night my mom texts me and asks if Im working tomorrow. "Let's go biking" she says. I had the day off from work, so I figured sure, why not. My mother lives two hours away, so I figured she was in town for a meeting or a doctor's appointment or something, and she wanted to kill some time before or after. Nope!! she drove down here just to go kayaking. I thought it was pretty nice that my mom just wanted to spend some time with her oldest daughter. Still, kind of wondered why she bothered driving all the way down here JUST for that. She has plenty of other people who will bike with her.
Anyways, after biking, we went out to lunch. Olive Garden. Yummm!! During lunch, we had our usual bitching about the stupid things that people are doing with their lives. Specifically, my best friend who is marrying a complete loser next month, and about how they want to start having children right away, even though they can barely make their rent now. More about that at another time though. So, my mom says to me "I wish I had waited to have kids until I was in my 30s (she had me when she was 20) but, if I had done that I wouldn't have stayed married to your father."
You should know that my parents are having a really rough time lately. She's miserable, but my dad either doesn't see, doesn't care, or it's not as bad as she says. I don't live with them, so I don't really know. But, when she said that, it was basically like she was saying "I wouldn't still be in this crappy marriage if it wasn't for you." So!! I ruined my mother's life.
Most people, even when life is really hard, never regret having their children. Im sure some people think "Oh, if I hadn't had my daughter so young, I could have done this, this, and this" but who really means it? Everything always thinks its worth it anyways. But honestly, I don't think my mother does. She's always talking about how getting married young is a mistake, having children young is a mistake.
So was I mistake!? Does she regret me!? Does she regret my brother and sister!? Would her life have been so much better without us!? Does she hate us because we tie her to the man she no longer loves!?
For some, it may be hard to believe that my mother actually said this to me. Out loud, to my face. But she did!! She said that she wishes she would have waited, and if she had, she would not have had kids with my father. So basically, I would not be here. But this isn't the first thing my mother has told me that was better left unsaid. Trust me, this isn't even the worst!!
